Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in gallerydancer's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, November 16th, 2006
7:51 pm	Reflection... So my therapist wanted me to reflect back on all of my past serious relationships and after they have ended what usually ended up between me and the guy. (Part 1 of the assignment). So usually there is a period of about 3 months that I do not see them. I usually talk to them by email or phone, but I do not see them in person for a while. But then they usually become one of my closest friends. This has happened 2 times and honestly it seems like the 3rd is happening. So, its kinda weird that these exes tend to be the closest people in my life..... So then there was the 2nd part of the assignment which (since if you know me you know that I tend to express alot of things through music. So I had to find a song that would represent how I feel about the above statements..... so heres the lyrics to the song... "Never Had a Dream Come True" by S Club 7 Everybody's got something they had to leave behind One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering) How it could be now or neither been (or neither been) All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go I never had a dream come true Till that day that I found you Even though I pretend that I've moved on You'll always be my baby I never found the words to say You're the one I think about each day And I know no matter where love takes me to A part of me will always be with you Somewhere in my memory I lost all sense of time Amd tomorrow can never be 'Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind There's no use looking back or wondering How it should be now or neither been (or neither been) Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go I never had a dream come true Till that day that I found you Even though I pretend that I've moved on You'll always be my baby I never found the words to say You're the one I think about each day And I know no matter where love takes me to A part of me will always be with you You'll always be the dream that fills my head (Yes you will, say you will, you know you will, baby) You'll always be the one I know (I'll never forget) There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering) Because love is a strange and funny thing No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye No no no no I never had a dream come true Till that day that I found you Even though I pretend that I've moved on You'll always be my baby I never found the words to say You're the one I think about each day And I know no matter where love takes me to A part of me will always be with you A part of me will always be with you... Current Music: The Sound of Marc chatting on the phone (Comment on this)
5:05 pm	Bedroom survey....couldnt resist. Body: IF YOU OPENED IT, YOU GOTTA DO IT!! BEDROOM SURVEY - & NO LYING! Do you have the following in your room: Condoms: --- yes.... always needed...better safe than sorry! Cell phone: --- nope its in my pocket. Chair/stool: --- yes Book shelf: ---nope Dresser: --- 2 of them Computer/laptop:--- my desktop always stays in there.... my laptop always comes with me. Bean bag: --- no Pictures: --- yes Mirror: --- yes Skateboard:--- yes Bed:--- of course Clothes on the floor: yep... one pile of laundry and one pile of "omg i havent folded those yet?" Plastic Giraffe: ---what the hell? Surfboard: --- no Smoke detector:--- yes.....all over the building including my bedroom. Piano/or/keyboard/or/guitar/or/bass/or/drums: --- acoustic guitar Locking door: --- yes sir....thats needed too. Bottle of water:---yes A blacklight: ---yes Medals/ribbons:--- yes Awards---- yes Stop sign/any sign:no, but i want one that says by appointment only. Caution tape: --- no Paintball gun: --- no its in the kitchen Real Gun: --- NO WAY.... I HATE GUNS Cigarettes: --- yes.. did you really have to ask this question? Although I have cut back tremendously. Candle: --- yes Books: --- yes Nintendo:--- PS2!!!!!!! Game Cube: --- nope Xbox: --- no, again Bike: --- Stereo: --- that would be my computer and my PS2 Television: --- yep Lighter: --- in my purse in my pocket under my bed and several in boxes and drawers Gum: --- lots of it. Alcohol--- no How many windows do you have in ur room? 1 What is the color of your walls? Austin College White Hardwood floor, tile, or carpet? Tile Do you get ready for the day in your room or the bathroom? Both What color is your bed sheet? Yellow Sateen sheets (thanks torzan), and a purple comforter What's on your walls? posters paintings.. and random things like kites and masks Has the opposite sex been in your room before? yeah.. but that was a long time ago.....plus im gay. (Comment on this)
Friday, October 27th, 2006
11:47 am	Castles Do you ever question your life? Do you ever wonder why? Do you ever see in your dreams, all the castles in the sky? Oh tell me why...do we build castles in the sky? oh tell me why.... all the castles are way up high. How true. (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 5th, 2006
11:51 am	My Anti-anniversary....or so it has been deemed. So less than 24 hours away would have been my 2 year anniversary. Now dont get me wrong... Im not sad that Im not in a relationship.... Im not sad that we broke up... Im sad because I have lost a best friend who is probably the only person on the face of this earth who knew the real me. I didnt have to pretend and he loved me anyway. I could think for myself, believe in myself and above all else....knew that there was someone out there who loved me for me. Looking back I think we really DID love each other, but it was also a matter of two people who needed something in a small ass town and found it in each other. When we moved...things changed.... he didnt need me anymore because there was many other opportunities...and I was left behind. I had to move forward as well and since it was easy...we started to let go. Ive learned so much about myself.... I told myself I wasnt going to get sentimental...but when your reflecting back on a relationship and want to remember it fondly you have to think of some of the better moments. A year ago I was sitting in a theatre watching what I consider to be the best musical of all times with the man that I loved. He went out of his way to do everything that I wanted to do that day. I cried during a song.... and today I find myself listening to that song and crying as well... but its not tears of sadness or tears of joy... but tears of truth. To Jason..... the only man who really knew who I was. Read the whole things...there are some changes. Whats wrong? Im limited... just look at me... Im limited... and look at you.... you can do I never could... Jason.... You were the only friend I ever really had who knew me.... and I have had so many friends.... Take yourself... and make you happy.... just take it..... cause now its up to you.... for both of us....Now its up to you.... I have heard it said that people come into our lives.... for a reason... brining something we must learn.... and we are lead... to those who help us most grow if we let them... and we help them in return.. Well I dont know if believe thats true, but I know I am who I am today because I knew you. Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun. Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood.. Who can say if I have been changed for the better. Because I knew I have been changed for good. It well maybe that each time we meet, we will never meet again in this lifetime so let me say before we part... so much of me is made of what I learned from you. Youll be with me like a handprint on my heart. So whichever way our stories end... I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend. Like a ship blown from its mourning...by the wind of the sea. Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood... who can say if I have been changed for the better. Because I knew you I have been changed for good. AND JUST TO CLEAR THE AIR I ASK FORGIVENESS FOR THE THINGS YOU BLAME ME FOR. BUT I GUESS WE KNOW THERES BLAME TO SHARE. AND NONE OF IT SEEMS TO MATTER ANYMORE. WHO CAN SAY IF I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER. I DO BELIEVE I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER. AND BECAUSE I KNEW YOU. BECAUSE I KNEW YOU. BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...I HAVE BEEN CHANGED......FOR.... GOOD. I can say that I have never truly felt loss until I lost not my relationship...but the person who goes with it as my best friend.... I only have one regret.... that we couldnt have left on better terms.... that it had to end like it did. No one mourns the wicked.... I guess thats why its not mourned. Good news. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: These Dreams by Heart (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
3:30 pm	Poetry or prose...whichever it is Some original stuff i have been working on... let me know what you think. Ive seen a man cry. Ive seen a man die inside. Ive seen him say to me that he is only mine. That he gotta do what is best for him, never let me in, not even begin. To tell me Im the one under his moon and sun, that I am the thing that revolves around him, but while on top of him I know whats best for him. Ill show him how to win and let me in. Were all sorry now. I didnt mean to wow, make you act like that; it was just a little spat. Still I want you to know, though I love you so, it's mostly me dreaming, forcing, believing. That youre an ideal, hell I never steal but I stole you from another one. So I'll take myself and unwrap around your little finger, cuz thats how it should swing. Why cant he see, why cant he see whats inside of me, dont you call me your sun, now... dont you call me your sun, Im so much more, can you see? Cant you see? Look whos writing now a token of their love! Cant you see love is just because I wanted a cheap way to get inside your head, and not a cheap way to get inside your bed? Oh youre running now, you are a silly one. Its all over now, this man has just begun. For there is the will and the way, even butterflies return some day. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 6th, 2006
3:08 pm	How I used to be.... I woke up today Woke up wide awake In an empty bed Staring at an empty room I have myself to blame For the state I'm in today And now dying Doesn't seem so cruel And oh, I don't know what to say And I don't know anyway Anymore I hate myself for losing you I'm seeing it all so clear I hate myself for losing you What do you do when you look in the mirror And staring at you is why he's not here? You got what you deserved Hope you're happy now 'Cause everytime I think of her with you It's killing me Inside, and Now I dread each day Knowing that I can't be saved From the loneliness Of living without you And, oh I don't know what to do Not sure that I'll pull through I wish you knew I hate myself for losing you I'm seeing it all so clear I hate myself for losing you What do you do when you look in the mirror And staring at you is why he's not here? I hate myself for losing you And oh, I don't know what to do I wish you knew And oh, I don't know what to say And I don't know anyway Anymore No, no I hate myself for losing you (I'm seeing it all so clear) I'm seeing it all so clear I hate myself for losing you What do you do when you look in the mirror And staring at you is why he's not here? What do you say when everything's said? Is the reason why he left you in the end? How do you cry when every tear you shed Won't ever bring him back again? I hate myself for loving you This is how I used to feel after a break up.... now I feel okay. This is what the past three weeks for me have been like. Its now almost a month since I was dumped. Not much in my life has changed. Im still happy, I'm learning that I am extremely popular here at AC, and that I am a good catch. No I dont cry on the outside anymore! Its not worth the trouble! I am who I am... I do what i do. I can only be those things and thats just the way things have to be. Thanks to Counceling I now have confidence! Current Mood: happy Current Music: Kelly Clarkson (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006
10:10 am	I know that I havent updated in a while.... so I thought that I would update and say that I am doing okay. I am getting used to running two buildings and having a huge staff. Also, things are different working for a private college as opposed to a state school. I also have an RA that is a carbon copy of myself... He's a gay man, who has the same personality type, who also has an eating disorder... .for those of you that didnt know... yes I am bulemic. I have denied it for years, and yes I have started counciling for it. I started relapsing about 3 months ago because I wanted to stay skinny for my ex.... I know he didnt care, but I did.... I just wish I would have realized that he didnt care. Other than that I am okay. I miss torzan, adm_hawth, and kick3. Its hard for me to call though because the memories are still a little hard to face. I find myself avoiding calls from people and diving into work just to keep myself from thinking to much. Its funny how you can start completely trusting somebody after you break up....lifes funny like that... Well I have to go to an RA meeting... yeah.... I hope everyone is doing well. Current Mood: sad Current Music: These Dreams by Heart (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
4:49 pm	Questions So so many things have run into my head lately. My sister in law Julie is trying to get me to meet a friend of hers named Rocky. (Good name right ;-)). He just moved down here from up north (i dont remember where) and she told him to look me up on myspace. So after I am done with RA Training and all that jazz (basically in Sept), I will probably go out and meet him. We will probably talk on the phone since he now has my number thanks to Julie. I do not think I am going out there with an intention of dating or hooking up with him because I am happy right now being single. Plus I do need time to heal and time to process what I need to work on. Right now I am dealing with the fact that I am actually okay with the breakup. I am more confused by the fact that I am okay and that I really want to keep Jason as a friend, but am not really upset that I am alone. I do not know if this is just because I am busy or if this was just meant to happen at this time. I do want to keep him as a friend, but with my schedule being so busy he will have to be the one to make some effort during this time. I guess it will really show how much he wants to be friends as compared to making sure that I am not hurt. Do I think Jason and I will ever get back togheter? I dont know... and right now I really dont care. I need to be single right now, I need to be focused. I need friends, and hopefully he still can be my best friend. He just needs to realize that this was a 2 way street and that there were issues that he needs to resolve as well and I sincerely hope that he resolves them before entering his next relationship. I hope he finds what hes looking for, I just hope he doesnt lose it by not learning for our relationship. I have a great group of friends, but friends divided. One half want me to cut off all contact with him and the other half thinks this is a productive way to end my relationship with Jason. I do not feel awkward when I hang out with him and I hope he feels the same. The only thing I have to say is there is more that we need to learn from each other I just hope you can sustain a friendship with me. To Jason: I am doing okay... I really am... thank you for what you have taught me and what I will still learn and our time together... lets hope this is a new era...one of peace. Thank you to all of my friends... I love you all! Dustin Current Mood: content Current Music: These Dreams by Heart (Comment on this)
Monday, July 17th, 2006
6:45 am	Life and Brokeback Mountian So it has been an awesome two weeks here at my new job. I am now an Area Coordinator at Austin College. After a traumatic series of events that have happened (i.e. my really bad accident and then being off from work for three weeks) it is nice to be back into a routine. There are definately upsides to this position. I am now in the third tier of the student affairs career path. Here at Austin College (GO ROOS!!!) I am directly under the Director of Student Life.... which is kinda scary personally and then also really good professionally. I am the only one here in this position that does not have their Masters. I have also decided to continue my education in Commerce, Tx instead of transferring to UNT. Its just better b/c there are no extra expenses. Im kinda sad! I miss my girls and they have this get together on Monday's and I havent really been able to go since I started my new job. But I miss them dearly, but Jason gets to see them, which is awesome. Also, I now live closer to Jason and things are going well on that front. I just watched Brokeback Mountian for the first time and I think I have a new favorite movie. It has been a long time since I have watched a movie and have it stick in my memory like I have been experiencing it for my whole life. I really related to the character of Jack. I wanted so much for my whole life to express my love and even now as I am growing it becomes more of a realization that the same situations apply that do in the movie. No matter how far our country has come, there are still killings, there are still people who discriminate because of sexual orientation, and there are still loves that have to be let go because they are just not right. Why is it that when you find a true connection, a love that is so strong, you have to fight to keep it? All they wanted was each other.. you could tell in the way they kissed, in the way they talked, in the way they looked at each other. I have felt that pain... I know what its like to have to hide. I know what its like to have to sneak off to have a kiss, and I know what its like to have to hide an entire relationship from my family and friends. My wish for this world is that noone would have to hide because they love somebody. The actors in that movie did a phenomenal job and I have to say Kudos to everyone in that movie. All of them were kinda the typical teen actors.. (Michelle Williams- Dawson's Creek, Heath Ledger- 10 Things I Hate About you, Anne Hathaway- Princess Diaries). All of them were playing in Teen angst movies, and here comes this powerful, dramatic, sad, love story that leaves you wanting more. For me this movis is kinda like Boys Dont Cry... One Im not going to be able to watch a whole lot---- it has too much of a personal emotional meaning. I know what its like to get beat because Im gay. NO ONE DESERVES THAT!!! NE Ways.... that was a long rant on stuff in my life.... as you can tell I am dealing with some issues and its almost like this movies is making me face my shit. So here I am now at 7:00 in the morning and working. I have been here since 5:30 in the morning. I am on call this week and its not going to bad. We are only on call a week at a time during the summer. During the academic year we are on one day during the week and rotating weekends. I miss everyone and I hope you miss me too! Dustin Current Mood: tired Current Music: Tori Amos- Sorta Fairy Tale (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
3:39 pm	Wow... this is cool and job stuff So on one note for those of you who dont know I am now moving to Sherman in a couple of weeks. I have accepted an Area Coordinator position at Austin College. And on the other.... this is cool because I have always dreamed that if I had special powers it would be that of....... You Are Iceman You tried to live a normal life, but it just wasn't possible A bit of a slacker, you rather tell jokes than cultivate your powers Powers: turning self and others into ice, making ice weapons, becoming nearly invisible Which of the X-Men Are You? Current Mood: okay Current Music: None (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 4th, 2006
1:12 pm	Aye Maties!! TABLE cellPadding=20 align=center> <tbody> <tr> <td align="middle">A Pirate Raider You scored 2 Honor, 5 Justice, 7 Adventure, and 9 Individuality! </td></tr> <tr> <td>More than just the usual swabbie, you demand not only the life at sea, free from landlubbers and their rules, but also you require adventure and excitement. You're happiest when the guns are blazing, the risk high, the outcome uncertain, but the chance for reward substansial. Your kind are welcomed as allies and feared as enemies. Put on your wooden leg and hook. You'll do just fine! </td></tr> <tr> <td align="middle"> </td></tr></tbody></table> My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on Ninjinuity You scored higher than 48% on Knightlyness You scored higher than 50% on Cowboiosity You scored higher than 89% on Piratical Bent Link: The Cowboy-Ninja-Pirate-Knight Test written by fluffy71 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test Current Mood: good Current Music: Anna Nalick (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
12:08 pm	D&D Stuff This is the longest game of D&D that I have played... and I agree with kick3 in the sense that I feel the drama coming on. Well here is my solution. If there is conflict or tension in the group... then I will quietly excuse myself from the group. I did not want to cause tension, but I was so upset by the way things had gone. My characters storyline is the one that is least advanced and the one that the group knows least about, as well as if my character left then the storyline would not be missed. I do not want Olivia to not come based on what I said, and I think that she could use to give it another chance. I am also probably not going to continue my campaign anymore. Again, I'm sorry for the drama, but I am not sorry for what I said. I think Olivia does a great job with her character and its abilities. I just wish that we all could get along. (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 11th, 2006
1:31 am	Things are now in perspective So..... in a room full of gay guys, nothing but gay guys, and let me tell you, I didnt even get looked at once. While my boyfriend is getting hit on left and right. I always knew that I wasnt the prettiest picture in the book, but damn I didnt think that i was down right repulsive. I wish I could be more beautiful for him... to be up on his level... I would just like to be beautiful for one day, just one, but of course this will never happen. Heres hoping that in the next life, if there is one, that God will grace me with a better Charisma score so I can be beautiful, just for once. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 2nd, 2006
10:55 am	Happy New Years Reflection Well I must say that 2005 has been a year of experiences, realizations, and transitions. This year started off with me starting my Masters degree in Higher Education Administration. This has taken me beyond any formal education my family has ever had. None of my brothers or sisters, as well as my mother, has graduated high school. My father only had 2 years of college, although he is an example of what hard work and dedication can do for he is one of the top Computer Consultants in the nation with a paycheck to show it. When I graduated college I surpassed all formal education of the family and now it continues. In 2005 I have also decided that I do not want to pursue this degree at this time. I am taking a break this semester. In 2004 I became a Hall Director, a dream I had since I was a freshman in college. Well in 2005 I decided that this is not making me happy. Its funny how dreams can be like that. I made myself believe this is what I wanted to do, and it took two years to figure out that it isnt. I made a courageous move for me. I put in my intention not to return in the summer of 2006 as a hall director. This is scary cause I like stability and this has caused a rift in that stability, well at least for the next few months while I try to find another job. I realized that I am smarter, tougher, and more attractive that I originally thought. I was born two months premature and the doctors told my parents that my brain was underdeveloped and they seriously doubted that I would be able to have a solid education because of the underdevelopment. Well here I am, 25 years young and have a 4.0 in my Masters degree. Take that doctors. I have an amazing boyfriend. I learned that for a relationship to work it is hard work, but if you really love the person, then you will put in the hard work. I need to do a better job at letting him know how much I appreciate him. Like kick3 says in her live journal, I am 1/4 of the long term relationship gay community in commerce. Although my boyfriend no longer lives in commerce. Torzan- you are really amazing in more ways than you know. For the first time in my life, I had a mental breakdown this year. My parents have been very sick and at the beginning of Fall Training I recieved a call from my father which told me that my mom was not doing well. I broke down crying right there in the middle of training. That combined with some other events that happened that day pretty much caused my world to turn upside down. I have now officially become a nerd- I am soooooo into Dungeons and Dragons. I am playing a warforged barbarian/fighter right now. I kick ass!!!!!! I actually have the desire to run my own campaign one day. Kick 3- I would love it if you would play in it, but it wouldnt be for a while. I also like cartoons and comics- Although Im not as much into the comics as the others mainly because I have not had the time/money/ and I havenet found one that really calls to me. 2006 will be a year of transitions. I will be moving out of the residence halls/university housing for the first time since I have left my parents house, which was 7 years ago. I will be moving into the "real world". I will continue to learn how hard it is to be in a relationship, but I will love every minute of it. I will learn the boundries of my strength, endurance, and the realize how great I truly am. I am going to start to pursue my real dream. Can anybody guess what that is? I dont think anyone really knows but me, but bonus points if you do! Good luck guessing! So heres my thought of 2005 leading into 2006: (well really two thoughts) 1. Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Moments so dear Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes How Do You Measure - Measure A Year? In Daylights - In Sunsets In Midnights - In Cups Of Coffee In Inches - In Miles In Laughter - In Strife In - Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes How Do You Measure A Year In The Life? How About Loooooooove? How About Loooooooove? How About Loooooooove? Measure In Love Seasons of Loooooove. Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Journeys To Plan Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes How Do You Measure The Life Of A Woman Or A Man? In Truths That She Learned Or In Times That He Cried In Bridges He Burned Or The Way That She Died It's Time Now - To Sing Out Though The Story Never Ends Let's Celebrate Remember A Year In The Life Of Friends Remember the Loooooooove Remember the Loooooooove Remember the Loooooooove Measure In Love Measure, Measure Your Life In Love ALL ohhhhh!!!! Seasons Of Love... Seasons Of Love 2. Why couldn’t you have stayed calm, for once! Instead of flying off the handle -- ! I hope you're happy I hope you're happy now I hope you're happy how you've Hurt your cause forever I hope you think you're clever I hope you're happy I hope you're happy too I hope you're proud how you would Grovel in submission To feed your own ambition So though I can't imagine how I hope you're happy Right now Listen to me. Just say you're sorry! You can still be with The Wizard What you've worked and waited for You can have all you ever wanted - I know But I don't want it - No! I can't want it anymore Something has changed within me Something is not the same I'm through with playing by The rules of someone else's game Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep It's time to trust my instincts Close my eyes And leap... It's time to try defying gravity I think I'll try defying gravity And you can't pull me down Can't I make you understand You're having delusions of grandeur? I'm through accepting limits Cuz someone says they're so Some things I cannot change But till I try I'll never know Too long I've been afraid of Losing love I guess I've lost Well if that's love It comes at much too high a cost I'd sooner buy defying gravity Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity And you can't pull me down! Come with me. Think of what we could do - together! Unlimited Together we're unlimited Together we'll be the greatest team There's ever been Dreams the way we planned 'em If we work in tandem There's no fight we cannot win Just you and I, defying gravity With you and I defying gravity They'll never bring us down! Well, are you coming? I hope you're happy I hope your happy now that your choosing this - You too-- I hope it brings you bliss I really hope you get it And you don't live to regret it I hope you're happy in the end I hope you're happy my friend So if you care to find me Look to the Western sky! As someone told me lately Everyone deserves the chance to fly And if I'm flying solo At least I'm flying free To those who ground me Take a message back from me! Tell them how I am defying gravity I'm flying high, defying gravity And soon I'll match them in renown And nobody in all of Oz No Wizard that there is or was Is ever gonna bring me down!! I hope you're happy Look at her She's wicked Get her!! Bring me down! No one mourns the wicked So we got to bring her - --Down! So heres to all of you and everyone else in this crazy place we call the world. Happy New Year and heres to a great 2006! I hope you all find your dreams and we all find happiness. Heres to a great year to come! Current Mood: content Current Music: Wicked Soundtrack (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
7:02 pm	Yeah I am edumacated! You Passed 8th Grade Math Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct! Could You Pass 8th Grade Math? At least I know I could pass middle school! Current Mood: happy Current Music: Wicked (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 20th, 2005
10:19 am	Intentions are due.... So this week has absolutely sucked for my job. Yes I said it... its nothing but a job to me right now. I used to think that I always wanted to work in Housing/Residence Life, but when I started viewing the place I work as a dorm instead of a residence hall I knew that I was not to be in this profession. So I said, Ill ride it out and get my masters degree. Then this week happened. Im not happy, I dont want to be a hall director. And intentions are due in december. GREAT..... Lets just make dustin freak out! I dont know what this is all about... I dont know if i want to stay another year or if i will be able to handle another year of this crap. My brother and sister are getting married today so yesterday I drove out to Plano to drop off a gift, which sucks, because 1) I didnt have the money that I spent on the gift and 2) The gas to get down there (which they paid for)... which is nice. Well after that I went ahead and went up to see the bf. He knew that I was having problems with this whole decision about next year. It was nice to talk to him about it. I thought he was going to freak out and part of me is still concerned that he might. He listened to everything that I said and played devil's advocate. He made some really good points, but he conceded that I made some very good points as well. We came up with a to do list.... 1) Make a pro/con list about being a hall director 2) Look into how I would be able to get certified to teach (I have always wanted to be a teacher, but thought that I could supress that) 3) Look at jobs on Monster.com 4) Talk to Career Services 5) Start a resume(I already have one but its directed towards residence life) 6) When he gets back from his buisiness trip- we will look at my budget to figure things out. He really helped me alot last night, but I have a saying that is stuck in my head..... Ms. Olivia said- Either stay in a job you hate, and yes I know you hate it, or take a leap of faith Derek said- The best job you will ever have is the one that you already have. I dont want to end up jaded, but I am already headed there. It sucks. The one problem is that I will need to have some emotional support if I decide to do this...I know people will be there and after last night I know my bf will be too. He said "As long as you dont move to Minnesota or something like that we will be fine" Which was wonderful to hear. I honestly had the feeling last night that he really does love me, and I havent feel that for a long time. Well anyways I have to go.... I hope everyone is having a great week! Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Desk attendant trying to figure out how to get a lj...lol (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
11:55 am	So this is what I am... at least religiously... :-) Not surprising that organized religion is not for me.... IM GAY!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! You fit in with: Spiritualism Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms. 60% spiritual. 60% reason-oriented. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com Current Mood: content Current Music: Jason Mraz (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
2:43 pm	So heres my politcal ideology This is pretty much what i expected.... You are a Social Liberal (71% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (23% permissive) You are best described as a: Strong Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
11:25 am	I guess even if the internet thinks it then I really dont need to worry about..... my self image.... Its been a struggle and Im doing way better. But I guess even if an online test says so... then I have nothing to worry about.. .what am I? they say that i am.... You are Beauty. You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the outside, or both. People are drawn to you as strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the world around you. What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Typing and my Desk Attendant (Comment on this)
Monday, August 15th, 2005
4:32 pm	The only constant in life is change.... As the old adage goes the only constant in life is change, so why does it come as a surprise when it happens? I think that maybe its because we trust that things will come easy, that if we worked hard for them that it should be reciprocated. But as life has it, it never is. What comes hard is the realization that things take time. Things hurt, but all you can do it accept them for what they are and work to keep things going. I have found a group of people here that I would call my family. These people are the people I would do anything for and know that they do the same for me. Also, I have found the guy who is amazing. And yes that sentence is written correctly. Sometimes I think that its unfair to keep him all to myself, but then again Im selfish that way. It was so nice last night that he showed a bit of insecurity. We talked about going to oaklawn with our friends adm_hawthore and kick3. He said that if we did it on a weekday that he would just leave early and we could spend the night at his apartment when we were done. I said that I wouldnt do that and that I would leave with him. He said "I trust you". I said I know but I wouldnt want you to do that. He said "Things would be different if you werent going to be with adm_hawth and kick3. I wouldnt let you stay there by yourself". It was nice, because he rarely makes comments like this. I think that with him moving away, that the emotional side of him will be present more which is outstanding. Well I have to get back to work, for that is everchanging as well... and who knows next year it might change even more ;-) (Comment on this)